


im sorry, darling

by rareluvs



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Jealousy, Letter, M/M, breakdowns, i thought of this late at night, kkami, oof im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 18:30:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16372796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rareluvs/pseuds/rareluvs
Summary: everything comes crashing down for hyunjin when he heard the news.





	im sorry, darling

hyunjin stared at the raindrops rolling in fat clusters on his livingroom window, feeling as if the world was mocking him. 

the rain reminded him of the puddles that he would see his boyfriend cross on the street to get to his work, eyes trailing a the back of his lover’s short black hair. it was always fun to hear about what minho had done during his day, compared to hyunjin, who was a year behind him in high school and how ‘much he got to look forward to when he gets older.’ 

he got up and went to his bedroom, ignoring the concerned glances of his parents, and soft whining of kkami, who was padding behind him.

-

“hyunjin,” minho’s soft voice whispered, while his cold hands cupped hyunjin’s heated cheeks, making the younger look at his boyfriend with his full attention. “i love you.” 

there was an overwhelming sense of calmness and tenderness in those three words that left both teens feeling light. they touched fingertips lazily, looking at each other with loving gazes that reflected how they felt about each other from the bottom of their hearts.

“i love you too, minho.” 

-

they said it had been an accident. minho wasn’t supposed to be there. 

earlier in the day, minho had sent a text to hyunjin, telling him of where he would be, and that he would pick him up. 

things had been rocky lately with said boy, and hyunjin didn't know what would happen to them. there had been a lot more jealousy in these past few months, spewing from both his and minho’s mouths before they could stop, similar to an acidic waterfall that left each other burned. 

there had even been an incident where the two had been yelling at each other, something that hyunjin had hated. he couldn’t remember what all was said during this, but he does remember the nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach as minho and him rose in volume level. 

“why do you never notice when someone is trying to steal you away hyunjin? and then you just let them openly flirt with you in front of me! it hurts to see that you know!” minho forced out, sitting on the coffee table in front of his eyes, looking directly at him. 

“no one is trying to steal me away minho! everyone knows that we’re dating! is this about what happened today with changbin? because right now you aren’t acting like a good boyfriend, and you also know that he’s in love with seungmin!” he fired back, confused as to why minho was getting riled up and taking it out on him. just a few hours ago, they had been just fine, holding hands and kissing each other on the cheek as they walked over to hyunjin’s empty house to hang out until his parents came home. 

“are you serious right now? changbin lied to you, hyunjin! he has feelings for you, i caught him sticking a fucking confession letter in your locker!” with a flick of his wrist, minho pulled out an envelope from his back pocket and threw it into hyunjin’s lap.

“he doesn’t like me, minho!” hyunjin sighed, feeling as if something was about to happen and he stood up, minho following suit. the two looked at each other, too caught up in the moment. 

“of course he does! jesus he even tried kissing you at woojin’s party! everyone loves prince hwang hyunjin! there’s always someone who will not shut the fuck up about your face!” 

that struck a nerve. hyunjin knew minho regretted what he said immediately, but he said what he said and it was already done.

“get out.”

“jinnie i-”

“I SAID GET OUT!” 

-

the next time hyunjin spoke to minho, it was raining, and a week later. 

hyunjin had been given a letter from minho, which he hadn’t opened because he wanted to wait for him to come over so that they could read it together and talk about what was bothering them. and if fate allowed it, go back to what they were before. 

that wasn’t what happened.  
-

hyunjin looked at minho, not daring to breathe in fear of what would happen if he did. the raindrops seemed heavy similar to hyunjin’s heart at this moment, pounding on his shoulders as he towered over minho. 

there was a soft closed mouth smile on his face, and his face still looked as handsome as ever, the mole on his nose still looked perfect, his hair and outfit looking sharp. it felt as if he had been waiting for hyunjin to come to him to show him that smile, that he had given to him many times over the past few years. 

he held his hands for as long as he could, memorizing his face, taking in all the little details that made minho who he was, and before he knew it, he had to be pulled away by his friend woojin to sit. 

never in hyunjin’s life had he felt so much pain in his heart. it hurt to breathe. it hurt to think. it hurt to be at his funeral. 

-

he had gotten a call at precisely 5:43 am the next morning after their fight, when he was getting ready for school, surprisingly enough from minho’s phone. when he went to speak he heard the voice of his father, weak and unstable. all he could make out were phrases from the other side of the line. 

minho got hit in an accident. 

a drunk driver. 

he had been coming to his house to apologize.

he didn’t make it.

the letter sat in his blazer pocket unopened while its recipient sat in the front row, looking at his love who had been taken away from him. 

-

changbin had tried to talk to him after the funeral but all hyunjin could do was stay silent and walk faster to his car. he didn’t need to see changbin right now, or anyone for that matter. he just wanted to be alone. 

he felt so fucking sick. 

he wanted to vomit. 

this shouldn’t have happened. 

why why why did it have to be minho?

as hyunjin entered his room, shakily closing the door, his eyes looked around at all of his belongings. not one thing in there hadn’t been touched by minho, who had often come over after his college classes, picking up this or that, trying on clothes, reading, anything that he could get his hands on. 

hyunjin looked at his bed. 

he collapsed onto the floor, his body curling in on itself, as if it would somehow help the pain ripping through it. when the tear came in waves, running over his cheeks in a steady stream, hyunjin cried out. 

he had always been a crybaby. but this was whole new territory. this was true anguish ripping from his both his heart and throat.

his wailing got caught in the water that flowed freely, unwiped on his flushed cheeks. his ears picked up on kkami pawing at his closed door, but couldn’t bring himself to stop. 

at one point in time, hyunjin shakily stood up, eyes colliding with a picture frame on his desk, and he immediately grabbed it and threw it on the floor, glass shattering. 

suddenly everything that minho had touched became to much to handle for hyunjin. his hands grabbed whatever he could, throwing it with so much rage and sadness pent up in him from these past few days. 

‘why couldn’t it have been me?’ 

by this point, hyunjin knew he would have hell trying to clean this up. it didn’t matter. minho was dead. nothing mattered anymore. 

hyunjin had run out of things to throw, so he experimentally punched his wall. it felt as if his sadness was consuming his heart quicker than before, but he still let his his fists connect with the wall that he had spent his whole life caged in. 

thud.

thud.

thud.

thud. 

thud. 

blood stained the areas in which he punched, and his breathed came labored due to his tears and exertion of his hands. he felt the room spin and felt his body collapse on the broke glass he had just created with his shaking bloody knuckles.

he blacked out. 

-

it was woojin who found him, his parents had revealed, holding each of his bandaged knuckles close to their faces. hyunjin could see the sadness and worry so clearly drawn into the wrinkles that framed both his mother and father’s profiles.

woojin hyung. 

hyunjin looked down at his arms, which he dully noted were covered in bandages as well. 

one of the nurses had come in only to set down an a envelope with his name on it, handwriting a little smudged from who knows what. but he knew it was from minho by the way he wrote his name.

he quietly told everyone that he wanted to be alone, faking a small smile, and with doubtful glances, he had the room to himself. his hands slowly opened up the envelope that contained the letter that was supposed to be sent to him. 

‘ jinnie, 

i’m so sorry. that sounds so cliché but, i feel so fucking terrible. i’m writing this at 4 am which i know you’ll hate because you always hate when i stay up, but...after today, i..fuck. 

i was so stupid. 

i got so mad at you that i yelled out something that i shouldn’t have and i fucked up so bad. your face when i said what i did made me want to take every word i said back, but i couldn’t. i don’t know if you’ll read this letter or toss it but i'm going to try and apologize, though…

i’m so sorry, darling. 

this past month has been shit. mainly because of me. i became so jealous of people who got too close for comfort to you, fearing that you might just decide that i’m too much to deal with. it wasn’t until that fight that i realized just how shitty of a boyfriend, and person, that i’ve been. my insecurities lead onto me pushing you away and hurting you emotionally, and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment at all, hyunjin. 

and i’m so sorry for hurting you. i know that this version of me is not what you deserve to be around and i’ll try to fix myself, if given the chance. i want to go back to when we would always come over at random hours and bake and sleep together on the floor, or just playing with kkami. i miss you so much. 

i’m going to give you this letter when i come to walk with you to school (if you still want me to). i’ll make sure to bring your favorite muffin and hot chocolate from the cafe we always go to, to at least see you smile a little, because i want to see the person i love smile once more because of me.

i still love you.

minho. ’

hyunjin threw the letter. 

it was too much. it was all too much.


End file.
